Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Songs I Play, Over and Over Again

I was just listening to the latest music installed here on my blog from the Tavares when I got a chat from KC that rocked my day I had to post it. It's what she noticed from me when I like a song so much that I play it over and over...and over... and over and over until it already becomes so annoying to hear.

Here's a list of songs I think I had played the most so far. Oh, before you scroll down… Please don't laugh.
1. Always – Blink 182 (This was like a friendship song for me and a best friend of mine.)Usher-bad-girl
2. Are you ready for Love? - Elton John (This is just one sweet song. A song that’ll inspire you to love more)
3. Bad Girl – Usher (I remember hearing this song the very first time I went to a bar. The rest was so history.)
4. Benny and the Jets – Elton John (This is my second favorite Elton John song – next to Philadelphia Freedom)

5. Big Spender – Penny Lee (Oh how I wish I could do a dance to this song just for one time wearing only a red bustier, a skimpy black skirt and then a black knee-high leather boots underneath it is black net stockings. Rawr!)lindsay-lohan-bossy

6. Bossy - Lindsay Lohan (I memorized this song in hours wishing one day when I'm at a bar this song will play and I'm the only one, the only one who could shake a booty to this. That of course never happened.)
7. Can't help falling in love - A*Teens (No laughing, I said!)
8. Chaotic - Britney Spears (I don't know what's up with Britney and her songs but they just makes me go gaga. Gosh, so like her!)
9. Coffee and Cigarettes – Michelle Featherstone (I never really was
new-radicals-crying-like-a-church-on-monday serious in getting away from my vices but I can deeply relate to this song. ‘I must quit. I must quit. You.’)
10. Crying like a church on Monday - New Radicals (This song made me cry a lot.)
11. Damn Girl - Justin Timberlake (Makes a fitting song for my exercise routine. I just had to keep my hips from pumping too much from the beat.)
12. Deliver Us – Ofra Haza, from The Prince of Egypt soundtrack (Love the voices of the men singing.)
13. Deep – Sum41 (I love singing this song and then pretending I was on lead guitars.)
14. Do you remember - Aaron Carter (Are you laughing at me again?)

15. Don't stop me now - Queen (I love this song so much I'd sing it anywhere, anytime.)
16. Draw Me Close – Kutless (There are so many version of this song. But now that it’s been done by a band it doesn’t seem to anyone who hears it as a Christian song anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Katinas version too.)
17. Eternal Flame - The Bangles (You just gotta love that girl who sang this version. Amazing voice, I tell you)
18. Everyday I write a book - Elvis Castello (Because I fell in love with this song so much at one time I wrote a story with the same title)
19. Fall for you - Secondhand Serenade ("coz a girl like you is impossible to find, impossible to find. You’re impossible to find.")
20. Falling - N*sync (Okay, having this band on my playlist isn’t that bad at all. This song in particular is worth playing over and over again.)
21. Feedback – Janet Jackson (I just can’t help dancing to this one.)madonna-give-it-to-me
22. Gimme more - Britney Spears ("Well, it's Britney b*tch")
23. Give it to me - Madonna Ft. Pharell ("get stupid, get stupid, get stupid")
24. Hands down - Dashboard Confessionals (It was my friend Kaiye who got me listening to this when I was still in the Billing Dept. This and Screaming Infidelities were the only ones I had favored so much from the band.)
25. Hey Sexy Lady – Shaggy Ft. Sean Paul (I’m a fan of the Victoria’s Secret fashion shows, so, what can I say?)
26. Hip-hop Star - Beyonce (I remember memorizing this song while doing the KSTV video. I wasn't really that bored)

27. Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros (I swear I am in love with this song.)
28. Hot Blooded - Foreigner (A movie called "In the Land of Women" got
foreigner-hot-blooded-in-the-land-of-women me hooked on this. And then I met Vince and he gave me a different meaning of this song)
29. Hypnotized - Plies Ft. Akon (I once visualized myself dancing to this song on stage with my immaculately long hair curled at the ends swaying to the music. Haayy, dyosa!)
30. I Choose You - Mario (Ate Marie, my boardmate, made me listen to this song on her iPod and I was automatically smitten)
31. If it makes you happy – Sheryl Crow (‘I promise you I’d never give up. If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad’)Britney-spears-i-got-that-boom-boom

32. I Got that Boom Boom - Britney Spears (Breathe hard…)
33. I'll never fall in love again - Elvis Castello (I had to stop listening to this song because it was starting to become the soundtrack of my life. Yikes!)
34. I'm yours - Jason Mraz (Take me…take me…take me to Belize or Rio de Janeiro or
jason-mraz-im-yours to where ever you want to travel to for your next video.)
35. Just feel better – Santana Ft. Steven Tyler (I could hear myself singing this song some time when I’m already too exhausted in life. Sigh.)
36. King of wishful thinking – Go West (It was the movie Pretty Woman that made me want to listen to this song over and over the same number of times I watched the movie.)
37. Love in this club – Usher (I like Usher and his sexy lyrics. Reminds me of Kyam Shung massage. Aw!)

38. Love isn’t easy – ABBA (Oh who can’t resist listening to this song. The beat is just so cute!)
39. Mamma Mia – ABBA (This is the first ABBA song I really fell in love with. That time I just broke up with my then boyfriend.)
40. Mother, we just can't get enough - New Radicals (‘Make my nipple hard, let's go!’)
41. Nina pretty ballerina – ABBA (Another cute song from the group. Oh I love them so much!)
42. Nothing’s gonna change my love for you – Jack Wagner (This song is just timeless.)
43. Our House – Phantom Planet (Oh but of course this is a love song.)
44. Out of my mind – Fastball (This song is a lifetime LSS (Last Song Syndrome) Only I don’t know why)
45. Party People – Nelly Ft. Fergie (There was a time in my life I thought I could be a rapper and sing Fergie’s line. Gibberish. LOLx)
46. Philadelphia Freedom – Elton John (Oh this is my favorite Elton John song. I really would love to sing it to Elton one day. Ha-ha feeling!)
47. Redemption Song – Lauren Hill & Ziggy Marley (‘Won’t you help to sing’)

48. Sam’s Town – The Killers (You have to listen to the Abbey Road version. Aftersheryl-crow-steve-mcqueen watching it, I hated myself for not taking my piano lessons seriously when I was younger.)
49. Steve McQueen – Sheryl Crow (Whenever I listen to this song I tell myself one day I will be a rocker chic.)
50. Sun comes up – John Legend (My ultimate Patrick Dempsey song.)
51. Tainted Love – Marilyn Manson (Kids, do not try listening to it at home. Go outside.)
52. That’s not my name – The Ting Tings (I
used to deny that I was hooked to this song. That is because I only learned of it when it everyone else is already tired of hearing it from almost everyone)
the-kiss-joby-talbot-penelope-soundtrack53. The Kiss – Joby Talbot, from Penelope soundtrack (Reminds me of how much I’m in love right now)
54. The Man who can’t be moved – The Script (A possible stalker song. Uh-oh!)
55. Truthfully – Lisa Loeb (Truthfully, I really can’t explain)
56. Turn your lights down low – Lauren Hill’s version (I just hated the rap part. But all in all it’s simply perfect.)
57. Unpredictable – Jamie Foxx (I honestly have no idea why I started listening to this song. But I know why I can’t stop. :D)
58. Vogue – Madonna (I just thought knowing all the names of the celebrities mentioned in this song could one day be useful when I join a game show on TV and win a million pesos.)
59. What makes you different – Backstreet Boys (I used to wish this song would be dedicated to me by any guy who wouldn’t be too sickened to know that I’m a die-hard BSB fan.)
60. When we were young – The Killers (‘He doesn’t look a lot like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman’)
61. Word up – Korn (I’d like to sing this song the next time I go karaoke and I’ll sing it really, really loud.)
62. Yat Voya Ne Per Voya - T.A.T.U. (I'm still addicted to this song)

63. You Gotta Love Someone – Elton John (This song is so Elton John.)7-things-miley-cyrus
64. Your Disguise James Greenspun (Included in the Penelope soundtrack I remember closing my eyes listening to this song and then hurting them badly again because I was having a hard time finding where I can download it on the net for free.)
65. 7 Things – Miley Cyrus (I do not insist that you believe people who will tell you that the reason why I’m starting to listen to Miley Cyrus is because I was once told I look like her and so they think I go around saying “yeah, I look like, don’t I?” . Sha!)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Girl Interrupted

You can’t stop thinking about him. Instead, you are consumed by thoughts of him. Like for no apparent reason, he just pops into your head and you wish he thinks of you as much as you think of him. Damn.

You think about what he’s doing at the very moment and even consider calling him that very instant for, again, evidently no reason at all.

But it gets worse. You listen to your last.fm library and you start browsing for the songs he made you listen on his mp3 player, or when you’re out with your friends and you see something in a shop window and think about how much he would like that particular item,or you read The Time Traveler’s Wife and you visualize him as Henry saying “Trust me. Just trust me” then Claire goes, “Why would I want to do that?” Then Henry (your man) goes “I dunno. Because I love you?” Aw!

I snap back into reality (press on alt + tab) (screen view shifted to the Features page of a project site).

I snap back to work.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Red in my Dream

Suddenly, the world stops.

It walked across the foyer in flats of steel making sure every other move is a pandemonium. I felt a sudden heat on my nape. I raised my right hand to soothe the increasing pressure that is now up to the back of my ears. It walks along. Slowly in a manner that kills. I hoped for a mirror to see who was coming, but it was too late. I pushed my luck and angled my head a little to the direction of the approaching steps.

As the shadow looms over the wall I avert my eyes as if concentrating to the graph in my laptop. Sure it was a laptop, though it appears to be some kind of a mirror now. I wonder, why didn't I know I have this when I needed it awhile ago? Darn it. In panic, I turned around quickly as the footsteps came into a halt in my rear. The face of someone I know I've seen before came into view. It was a she. I blinked and in my head flashed another face. I stared at the face of the woman before me and said, "No".

There was silence. Something around her head materialized as I said the word. It was forming into what seemed like a perfect shape of cumulus clouds. Only it was red. She eyed me seriously and said, "I'm leaving". Then it dawned to me. Her voice, her face, her words and the clouds of blood around her head. I know her. I know her. Then I was awake.

Confused in my own dream I tried to make sense out of it. I was working alone in the office when someone came in. That someone turned out to be a woman, Me. Without words my boyfriends face flashed before me. So I thought I knew what she came here for. I told her no, in a manner of thinking that she would do something to take him away from me. Then the blood starts flowing out at the back of her head. The color was outstanding that it made me feel so scared. I looked at her again and she said to me, I'm leaving. Then I knew it. Something bad is about to happen. Yeah.

I woke up seven in the morning. After the dream I turned around to see the light of the sun out the open window of my room. A very beautiful day. I turned around again and groped for my phone and started texting my boyfriend. He still must be asleep. I sat up and felt a pang in my head. Particularly at the back. My heart sank.

My phone beeped. I opened it and saw a reply from him. Suddenly, I felt cold. Must be the weather. I asked him how he was and if he already had sleep. I found out he isn't that well yet and had not had sleep. I asked him to try to get some and that I'll be there after work today. He said ok, wished me to have a nice day and the i love yous.

I put down the phone and went back to bed. I looked at the time and saw that I'm still too early to rush. My phone beeped again. It was Mama this time. She was reminding me I have work today and to wake up. I laughed in silence.
Sabi ko na nga ba, mana ako sa Mama ko eh. Paranoid! I replied with an of course Ma! and a plea to not let me go home this weekend. She agreed.

I finished bath in a jiffy and turned to the cabinet for anything appropriately wearable today. I walked out of the boarding house and into the sun rushing to work.

All those times my head feels swollen and brutally painful.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I probably shouldn't say this...

Want I want to do right at this very moment of boredom

What I really want to say when you piss me off

What I really want to do when you piss me off

How I plan to escape reality

How I plan to escape the bills I need to pay

My thoughts when you're mad

My thoughts when I'm mad

My thoughts when I cry

My thoughts when you cry

What I really want to say when you ask me "what's wrong?"

What I really don't want to say when you ask me "what's wrong?"

Things I do when I'm alone

Things I do when I don't want to be alone

Things you have to know

Things you need to know

Things I don't want you to know

Things I say behind your back

Things I do in the dark

Songs I sing for you

Songs I sing for you when I'm mad

Songs I sing for you when you're mad

Silly things I do when you're not around

Silly things I say when you're not around

Silly things I think of doing

Silly things I think I should be doing

My secrets

What I hate

What I want

Who I really am

2 years and 6 months ago I was smiling, laughing, dancing, traveling and discovering the road to break away innocence. 14 months ago I was in my room waiting, listening, pleading and crying to the phone as it breathes in silence. 8 months ago I was running for my life. Hiding, swearing and escaping what seemed to be an inescapable circumstance of reality. 2 days ago I was wondering. What's the next thing love has got to do to me?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Year - End Special (Part 2)


7. July – I became the busiest person on planet. The word planet equates KS Office here and abroad. I could vividly remember the time I learned Camtasia Studio for a video presentation of an upcoming product. Yes, indeed you read that right – time - for I was only given a short period of “time” to learn quickly as possible the said tool. My team had both the good and the bad times. The good times were when I was able to learn the tool after a couple of hours sleep and I got to work early the next day to have it all done for presentation. Hurray! The bad times were when we realized none of our efforts were appreciated. Tsk, tsk!

8. August – August rush. This month is when I had so many books to read in one time. Honestly, I’ve never been so hooked on reading like this before. Well, probably because during this month was went I felt the hardest hit of being lonesome in a world full of hype-mongering people. Anyhow, the books I’ve read were really amazing. If I am not mistaken I’ve read 4 books of Sydney Sheldon, 1 of Paolo Coelho, 1 of Nora Roberts and 4 of Sophie Kinsella. Unbelievable!

9. September – A.) Papa didn’t preach. He left the country to earn a living; he suffered mild heat stroke and missed birthdays and special events in the circle of his family. But papa didn’t preach nor complained after all the bad luck that has happened to him overseas. Instead he insisted that he be given more updates on what we all had been going thru while he’s far, far away. And I say I feel for him because nothing beats the impact of silence a long-distance relationship brings any person in it. Ya’ll dig? B.) Freedom! Living on my own for 2 months in the colorful yet busy city of Makati has turned me into someone I had always longed for since I was young – to be free. No parents, no one sneaking in the gap between the door and the floor, no curfew to stop you from going out at night to party with friends, no nagging when you want to eat junk foods for lunch and most especially no badgering when they see someone walking you back home from work (ahem).

10. October – A.) Down with a sickness. How can I forget, it was during this time of the year I war nearly declared an anorexic for behaving strangely with food I vomit when I take them in. I had eating disorder. I got hospitalized once for abdominal pains I had to confess to the doctor that I was not eating properly for weeks. Then there was UTI. Ooohhh how I nearly killed myself when I heard I had that. It totally freaked me out of my wits. Nowadays, I no longer suffer both conditions. B.) It started with a kiss. For love is overpowering than any knowing mind I succumbed to it. I took off all defenses and landed myself with the love of a lifetime. According to my planner (slash diary) I got reunited with college friend Vince around the third week of this month through Friendster. After countless years, we met again during his 22nd birthday. The next day we became couples. I stunned myself in the process of finding what I know I could never have again. But there it is! Oh, love is such a many splendid things!

11. November – The twists and turns. This month defined my potential as the hopeless romantic for being such a wicked lover. Utterly, I was emotionally hot and cold, black and white and up and down. I am too impulsive, childish and irrational that I hurt myself easily and more often than I could complain. Sigh.

12. December – A very happy year-ender. In years of tremulous crossing the line of my youth to adulthood, finally, I had come to accept that I’m moving on with the years as it pass. December 2008 was when I felt the busiest, the sweetest, the loveliest and the happiest of my life. I really didn’t want to say that line because I know I’d quoted for this but for the record it’s true. The Busiest – The bosses are always up to something when their people demand for an early holiday break, you know. But kidding aside we were demanded to work double time for stuff and it was perfect timing because that held us from enjoying the season sales in all the malls open in extended hours. That was kinda sad too. The Sweetest - One night in December I was running late for a rendezvous with my boyfriend outside a mall. The thing is that I think we’re both anxious that time because it was after all my first meeting with his other set of friends. The situation was that he wanted me to stay with the taxi I was already riding from Makati so that we won’t need to hail another one. But I already told Vince the driver irritates me so I’d rather say we get another taxi instead. Vince insisted I stay with the taxi. We were texting non-stop on my way to him until I got to where he was waiting and quickly jumped out of the taxi. I ran to him quivering in the coldness of the night. When he saw me from afar he had that quizzical look on his face like “What did I just told you to do? Stay in the cab!” Then he walked to me fast, fast and almost running extending a hand. Then I took it as he drew nearer. And in a blink (and to my surprise) he was repeatedly kissing me bit by bit on the lip, lovingly questioning, worrying and laughing. Later on I was wrapped around his arms, in an embrace that exhaled nothing but warmth of affection inside another cab. The Loveliest – This has something to do with the best Christmas presents I got for the life of me. Materialistic, you may say, but that’s probably because I’m only human. I got a new CMG bag, N73 (Christmas gift daw oh ha-ha), Bart Simpson cushioned slippers, The Time Traveler’s Wife book which I am starting to love by the way, a new jacket I bought with my boyfriend, 4 new shirts (2 from cousin Genny, 1 from Kuya Ronnie straight from Singapore and 1 from Vince’s mom) then Mr. Fahrenheit “Poopoo” A. Natividad from my one and only. Those weren't much but I really adored them. The Happiest (and a little sad too I should add) – When I was younger, Christmas was mostly spent with the entirety of my clan around an elongated table filled with food and then later on huddled around the Christmas tree for the presents. Everyone in the family is there - Lolo and Lola, Mama and Papa, my brother and sister, cousins, Aunts and Uncles and a few chosen close friends. This year, Lolo Jose is no longer with us and so as Uncle Buddy who had passed away from Cancer, Papa is working in Qatar and so as two of my favorite cousins Ate Rosie and Kuya Jun-Jun, and Ate Rhea is already out of sight (and out of reach). But we’ve some new additions in the family – Kuya Ronnie, Ate Lem’s husband and two lovely baby boys named Michael and Kevin and then my boyfriend Vince.

Well, one last look and away goes my 2008, a remarkable year that was. I may no longer be able to recall exactly how I had been moved by the situations I went through and by the people who had been there with me, but rest assured that my thoughts and heart at that very moment spent was genuinely a part of my life.

~ Cheers everyone! ~