Long walks

I was with some friends. We were headed to the mall. As we walk I notice them in pairs. I was the only one walking alone.

I was window shopping at the mall yesterday. Pay day sickness. I ran into a shop with a nice display of a blue shirt that has a huge print of HUGS NOT DRUGS. I thought, a person like me has to buy this shirt, pronto!

I overslept last night and just realized I have to go to work today. When I'm all done I walked from our house to the Subdivision gate which was like a thousand miles away. Next time I'll sign up for a walkathon.

I was walking my way to work. Mp3 music playing in my ears - Thinking of you by Katie Perry. (sshhh...I'm trying to concentrate here)

I walked in to the coffee shop, alone. Not a single intension of buying coffee today came to me, I was even craving for a gelato. I came to meet a friend. I left the shop drinking twice the amount of coffee I needed.

I walk home a bag full of dress at hand. As I went to my room, fitted the pretty little dresses I started to frown. They're in black in white.

~~~

What used to be a bad idea came out to be the best solution ever

Things I learned about myself when I broke-up with Vince (not really the good stuff):
1. I'm not really a well-rounded person.
2. I can't tell a good joke.
3. I eat triple my size and its bad for me, especially when you look at my family's dietary history.
4. I have fat legs.
5. I'm the smallest person on earth.
6. I have the worst singing voice.
7. The books I've read is nothing compared to the long list of books he have had and lost.
8. Foreign music is not called music at all.
9. When I complain I'm just being papansin and nagddrama.
10. I have mood swings as often as you've never imagined.

Things I learned about myself when I broke-up with Vince (the really good stuff):
1. I am the luckiest person on earth.
2. I have a beautiful speaking voice.
3. Holding hands can do wonders.
4. My eyes can say a lot but his lips can express the best things ever.
5. I can skate!
6. I can cook!
7. I am sexy (?) <- still thinking about this 8. I can finish my book even if I've lost the manuscript for the nth time. 9. ...that I have to try and understand the situation first before I start reacting. 10. That friendship is to be kept whatever happens. 11. I can be a faithful, sweet, loyal, loving, thoughtful, sincere, helpful and trusting girlfriend.

You've taken good care of me, always been there for me
Boy, I can't bear to leave cause I need your therapy
You've given me everything, so much I ever cold need
Without you I'm weak in the knees, I need your therapy


V-A

Undone

The worse has happened like it has never happened before and though I saw this coming I wasn't looking when it struck me down. I've never seen so much failure in my life until yesterday and I just couldn't believe what I'm seeing. The defeat on life and on love.

The news came in last night. And as I have predicted of what my reactions would be when this time comes, I cried like a child. I bowled over until I realized, or I should say Vince has realized and yanked me out of it, that I should start thinking of something to do to work my way out of this, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.

You know the problem with me is that all my life I've been trying to be tough and I try to give so much effort on things which for me are valuable so I could get what I need, but that's not really the problem you see. The problem is I'm tired.

In the same way that I realize what my problem was I also came to the conclusion that I can no longer fight this. The desire and the capacity to fight and get over with this mess came too short to my brain that even if I was feeling the need to do so with my burning heart I couldn't think of a thing of a way to do as to mean retaliation. So therefore, weakness is a weakness I suppose.

Loving has no guarantees and is unforgiving when you take the fall. I have a problem now with commitment. It's a word that I can't get my mind off and I should know why. This was the issue I had to deal with before I made up my mind and unravel my broken-hearted sigh. But the truth is I still have doubts about my definition of commitment. So why do I have to bring it up anyway and cause such emotional turmoil to the other person involved? The answer needs no rephrasing. I'm tired. Don't bother with the explanation.

As much as I'd like to say that things are gonna be all right, I couldn't. Not today, not tomorrow and not definitely later when I come face to face with my defeat. It will probably be alright if I say its alright, but it won't be that way yet.

Still

I must be damned. Because still I'm in this situation where I know I'd been for the last five years of my life. It's nothing really, only, I think I'm going to be a disaster.

Blueberry Muffins for breakfast

Saturday.

It has been exactly three weeks now since I started working as a student assistant at my colleges' dean's office..and up to now I still have a hard time waking up at 4am just so I can catch the early (but surely) tricycle ride out to the city.

I'm not a morning person. And I don't think anybody is either. But don't get me wrong okay. I mean, I love waking up in the morning and watch the sunrise, warm my face with its glow and baske in its all time glorious beauty. Who doesn't, right?

But who the hell can wake up that early and not wished she could take her pillow to the bathroom and sleep while the water to warms up. I can't imagine someone enjoying an early bath straight from eating breakfast or drinking coffee without gritting my teeth.

Blah.

Anyway, that's just me saying all these silly things. And I blame it on Gardenia's Blueberry Muffins. Why do you have to taste soooo good??? Because of you, now I look forward for breakfasts.